We have officially entered the "terrible two's" phase of life with our pumpkin. Vanna is 2 years and 3 months old now and over the past few months, it seems she is undergoing a transformation of sorts. While she is normally a sweet, soft-spoken little thing, new characteristics that have developed within her are beginning to expose themselves. These include:
-the desire/ability to "fight back" - Before this transformation, Vanna would simply come to me crying when Cash had upset her but now she is more likely to stand her ground, shout, "No", and take a swipe at him. Where did this come from?
How did we go from here (picture above) to where we are now? :)
-the "I'm so angry I might explode" scream - Vanna was born with the "gift" of an exhuberant bloody murder scream but the scream has changed and/or transformed. :) Most often the scream shows its beautiful self during a meltdown that Vanna is learning the art of. While the scream itself is intimidating (she gets so loud and produces it so forcefully that her head shakes), it is most commonly accomanied by leg kicking, arm flailing activities that make it almost impossible to endure. My mom has commented that the girl should have larengitis (is that the right spelling) after a fit like that. Although I believe that some of this behavior comes naturally at this age, I am doing my best to find the source of such frustration and illiminate it before we have such outbursts. What perhaps bothers me even more than the outburst itself, is the reaction Cash has to it. He will come to me (because Cash is often the one being screamed at - at least in the beginning) and say, "Vanna not love me". I have to explain that she does love him - no matter how upset she might seem at him - she does love him. She is just exploring new emotions and have a hard time understanding what is and is not okay sometimes. I hate to have those feelings even cross his mind however, and try to create the opposite atmosphere (of love and caring) between them during our level headed moments so that when an outburst does arise, I can refer back to when they were playing so well together and tell him,"Remember when...and Vanna showed you how much she loves you?" Truly, the kids are hardly seperable.
I know this phase will pass (I remember Cash behaving much the same way at this age, although not quite to this extent) but for the time being, is there any advice you mothers have for me? How did you discipline your kids when they had meltdowns/outbursts?-her sassy "it's my way or the highway" attitude that sometimes shines through - Vanna is very particular in the things she wants. For example, she loves shoes (so much that she would even wear them during her naps and at night until we decided we had to break that little habit before her feet stopped growing or something) and she knows what shoes she wants to wear most everyday. If she's upset and can't find her blanket, she's even more upset if Cash finds it and brings it to her rather than Mommy (or the opposite way around - depending on her mood). However, because of this characteristic, Vanna has learned to do many things for herself (as she demands to do it by herself without any help) which include: getting dressed, getting undressed, doing up and undoing buttons, buckling up carseat, twisting lids on and off, brushing her own teeth, etc. She's really quite an independent little girl.
Oh, you can imagine the fun we've been having at our house. We definitely feel like we have our hands full. However, outbursts seem somewhat few and far between (but you know how they can just consume your thoughts) and truly, it really is quite fun around here most of the time.
Some of Vanna's favorite things are to swing, and eat popsicles. Here she has put her popsicle in the grass (to save and finish off later) so as not to miss an opportunity to get pushed in the swing.
She also loves loves loves bubbles, lipgloss, lotion and changing her clothes often (typical girl right?). She is learning the art of duck, duck, goose and hide and seek. She loves to participate in action songs and adores our kitty (whom she's termed Hankee). She simply must have each and every "owey" kissed better and likes to kiss your every body part, from the neck up, before going to bed (it's quite the process and effort to delay bedtime). She is also quite the little helper - she's excellent at throwing things away, helping me unload the dishwasher (she likes picking up and putting things away - period) and likes to help pick peas in the garden.
Oh, how we love our little girl - and everything that comes with her (even if it is the sassy attitude :)).
9 comments:
It's a girl thing! Count to three and then put her in time-out is my suggestion, but given that Halle is three and still has meltdowns challenges my qualifications as an advise giver :)
That's tough! Every child is different as to what works for them. My suggestion is though, whatever you decide to do when she has meltdowns be sure to stick with it, and be consistent no matter how hard that can be sometimes. Good luck!
Oh the joys of having kids right?! I'm sure she will outgrow her fits, I just ignore my girls and walk away when they throw fits, and both of them rarely throw fits anymore. But each kid is so different!
Oh dear! Your post SO reminds me of Carter during his terrible twos! What works best for me is to find a quiet afternoon, and just hop on Google and research...and then I kinda incorporate what I learn into my own strategy that I try.
Yeah...pretty much experimentation...maybe I will have it all down by the last child...
Probably not though! :)
We have a rule that I try to be consistent with (though there are those days...)that we use our words and not yelling or screaming to communicate something we like or dislike, want or do not want. It's tough for kids to learn and takes time (Anna is still learning and has to be reminded and she turns 5 in a few days).
If the kids are yelling or screaming, then they take a timeout until they calm down, and then they try again, using their words, to communicate. There have been moments with Carter where he had to keep going back to the corner over and over! But, he is getting much better, and now, when he starts, I say something like, "Carter, I can't listen to you until you use your manners and ask me nicely." and he does!
My kids meltdowns and tantrums usually were tied to a communication problem, so I try to focus on that.
What Vanna is going through is totally normal and it will get better! Promise! Just be patient and hang in there! And just so you know, girls are SO MUCH MORE dramatic than boys...as you have witnessed! Good luck! Keep us posted as to what you are trying to help her...I am always up for new suggestions to try!
Kids are fun at that age. We are enjoying the 3 1/2 stage right now, and hoping that it will get better with time. She is adorable!
I know exactly what you are going through!! Man Taya is doing the same thing!!
One thing Cory learned in his undergrad schooling in Psychology is that when young children throw tantrums or go through a phase like terrible twos, it means they are going through a cognitive leap. They have learned that the world is a bigger place (again). So they are ready for A) more discipline and B) more learning. The biggest thing we've learned with Sammi is that whatever the phase is, if it's not healthy we have to be consistent with whatever we feel works for her, whether it be ignoring a certain behavior or having a consequence like a time out. She certainly is a doll, though! Which makes things so much harder to discipline something so cute!
I agree with the consistency. Aleynah has the same problem and my friend suggested put them in another room until they calm down because usually the screaming is to get your attention. But the trick is to wait till the fit is thrown and done before you let her out so she has time to think about it. when she knows that the screaming is not going to get your attention. Hopefully it will stop. Good luck!!!
Hey- at least yours waited until she was two. I'm dealing with Madison's tantrums and she is only 15 months! I agree with the consistancy thing. Also, mine seem to throw more tantrums when they aren't getting as much attention that they desire. Attention- good or bad- kids want it. And if they don't feel like they get good attention, they know that a fit will get them some bad attention. I also learned that I let situations get out of hand because I don't realize they ARE old enough to be disciplined, and I wait to long to start. Like now, I realize I should have been more strict with Maddie, so we're doing the time-out thing in the high chair again, but I should have probably done it a few months ago. Just remember, with each kid, they ALL go through stages, and they ALL pass eventually. Just hang in there during the tantrums, and be consistent with the way you discipline them WHEREVER you are! I've had more than my fair share of talks, and time-outs in the middle of Wal-mart before! Other people see this and realize you are just being a good parent, instead of being a mean mom. Good luck! She is darling though. Both of your kids are adorable. I'm sure they are the best of friends. Enjoy it!
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